Coming
soon.

I want you to know….I’ve been there, too.

I used to believe my kids deserved better than me. I avoided being with them and when I was with them, I avoided being “present”.

I often felt they were better off with somebody else.

For all of my life, I had carried cruel inner-critics that shamed me and kept me from being fully engaged in relationships.

You can probably even say that I hated myself.

When I had kids, those inner-critics had a field day.

They led me to believe I was toxic to my children.

In retrospect, it makes perfect sense what happened next (here comes the self-fulfilling prophecy part).

The shame and criticism grew within me each day

I went to bed with guilt and regret over how I interacted with my kids. I became more and more poisoned with the shame.

I was angry at myself.

Really, I was not just angry- I was enraged. It took over me.

I yelled.

A lot.

It was something I swore I would never do.

I had always told myself that I would never do to my kids what was done to me.

It had never occurred to me that this might not come naturally.

I never thought that I’d get to this point and not be equipped to do it different.

Maybe I was too wounded to be a good mom.

Then there was a pivotal moment.

On one ordinary, out-of-control day, I saw my beautiful, perfect little daughter looking at me.

And on her face I saw fear.

She was afraid. Of me.

It was like an out-of-body experience.

I saw in her face not only her fear and confusion, but my own scared and confused inner-child.

And so I had two little girls standing before me.

And they both desperately needed me to break the cycle.

I wanted to. I knew I needed to. I just didn’t know how.